Death, Divorce and Dragons

It has been a while since I have had the mind to write and a lot in my life has changed.  Without outright speaking about it last month, I mentioned that I was definitely having some heart/love problems arise.  The result of that conflict is a mutual separation between my very amazing, loving husband and me.  I was warned throughout the different passes in my Reiki journey that holding Reiki energy would literally elevate my frequency resulting in both subtle and stark changes in the way that I interact with life.  I have spoken before about the changes that I have made to my diet and even music and friends, and I suppose that following the same logic the inevitability of my divorce was obvious.  That being said it isn't without sadness that I proceed in my life.  I have spent the last 4 & 1/2 years with the most supportive, intelligent and generous man I have ever known and I hope that now that we are releasing some of the tension between us that I get to spend the rest of my life knowing him as a dear friend.  Having trust that the universe knows, that the universe provides and that I am listening, and therefore being supported through this time, has been a very stabilizing force.

Another reason I have been away is that I have been observing the passing of my grandmother.  That experience was very interesting.  For the week before I even "knew" that here life was dwindling I felt her walking with me.  I found myself suddenly thinking about her, revisiting memories.  I heard music in my mind, music of my childhood... the same music that would play during her funeral.  I even heard phrases like, "In my father's house there are many mansions." Words that would be spoken by a priest only hours later at her service.  The most amazing part about the passing of my grandmother was her joy.  While outwardly and third dimensionally she appeared to be in a lot of pain, her spirit self, her true self was so completely at ease and in joy.  The day that I was told that my grandmother was in very poor condition, I decided to do an earth meditation.  I have spoken about other meditations before but one of my absolute favorite meditations is the earth meditation.  Being welcomed my the earth and merging your energetic field with hers is one of the most profoundly peaceful and ecstatic experiences that I have come to know.

As you are probably familiar with by now, I begin all of my meditations with pranayama and kriya techniques as imparted to me by my wonderful teachers at ISHTA.  I save ISHTA meditation for ISHTA and let my intuition guide me to what will feed me and sustain me when I am meditating on my own.  This is what brought me to the earth meditation.  After balancing my breath and open my chakras I begin to call out to the earth.  I call to her as though she is an old friend, I ask her to forgive the ignorance of my people, I tell her that I love her, I ask her to know my heart and to let me in.  I ask to connect the the very center of her.  (By the way, whether or not the earth is hollow or not does not detract from the fact that the earth has a center, that on an energetic level she is a living, breathing being with the same energetic principles as human beings but on a much large scale).  When I sense that I am synching with the earth a sort of rebounding occurs, as though every outpouring of love I am offering her is bouncing back to me but amplified and much more completely.  Looping back to my grandmother I had a particularly interesting experience with the earth that day.  After calibrating I summoned both my guides and the guides of my grandmother, it seemed that my grandmother was in a happy place, so that was a relief.  The message that her guides gave me that was pertinent to this dimension, was that she would wait for my dad to get there but that she wouldn't make it more than 20 or so hours.  After I finished my meditation and grounding I decided to give a call to my dad.  He sounded so anxious when he answered the phone.  He was driving to the airport and I could feel his worry that he's miss his mom.  I consulted my guides again and asked my dad if he wanted to hear the message I had received from them, he agreed.

He arrived in Puerto Rico at 10pm and was taken straight to the hospital where he was able to spend the night, and the rest of his mother's life, with her until morning when she left.  He was so relieved.  I luckily had the support of the most giving and loving Reiki Masters sending Reiki to the transition of my grandmother, but also to the situation of death that my family would be facing.  I don't observe death with the same gravity that most people do.  I also don't observe life with the same gravity that most people do.  There was a time in the not-so-distant past that I would not be able to say either of those statements with any truth.  We have to be okay with death.  We have to acknowledge death as a part of life.  It is death, impermanence, that makes each moment that we live so valuable, beautiful and fleeting.  We get caught up in programming, in expectation, in our own drive.  We think we are in control when what we are actually doing is blocking creation, our salvation from this is surrender. Surrendering the ideas, the programs, expectations, surrendering our very lives and dancing with spirit. None of this belongs to us and yet we are taught that things/people/places belong to us.  We are taught to think for the future, to works toward forever.  What a con.  We are already in the future from a moment ago, we are already eternal.  The more we fear death, that we resist loosing things/people/places the more we will succumb to the illusion of pain, the fear of the inevitable... but when we can surrender suddenly everything becomes a beautiful music.  Not the kind of song that you have to play on repeat because you can't get enough of it, but the kind that keeps getting better the more you listen.

Dancing has been a big part of my life in recent months as well.  I like to call my dance parties "Joy Raves"  because I always end of feeling fantastic afterward.  It is amazing how simple movement has a way of unlocking our connection to our physicality.  Our physicality is pretty spectacular, and yes while I do think that people get overly attached and fixated to their meat suits, I also find our meat suits to be a wonderful gift and toy... certainly one we should play with it as often as possible.

Apparently dancing, especially rhythmic and ecstatic dancing is one of the quickest ways to attract dragons.  Dragons love the energy of shakti.  They feed on it and return it to us.  In one of my former blog posts I shared about my experience in working with a large black dragon as my Reiki teaching guide.  Well this dragon, whose name has only become evident to me recently, is also my spirit animal. We will discuss dragons as spirit animals in another post, but I will tell you this... I have learned that black dragons are chaos dragons, that the larger they are (this one is seriously big) the older they are, and that black dragons are traditionally more female (up for debate, but whateves).  Dragon energy is amazing and unbridled.  The first time I met my dragon friend I was certainly needing to remind my heart to be calm.

The thing is, which I find interesting, is that I haven't been able to find this dragon since the death of my gram other and the decision to separate from my husband.  Dragons push us to be more honest with ourselves and to destroy (especially chaos dragons) anything that is preventing us from being fully realized, they revel in this energy because elementally it is the energy of movement, but they are also wise when it comes to helping focus your life with all of its new pieces.  In its place, however, has come a small white dragon, a water dragon.  Very healing, young (by dragon standards) and playful. I have also learned that dragons are purely interdimensional beings, that they are the bridge between life and death, which makes sense to me since I have often found myself skirting lines that would make most people squirm. Interesting stuff that I am still navigating and since I want to be as clear as possible about what I share with you all, I am going to hold off on exploring this more until I am more grounded.

I will write you more tonight or tomorrow.

Namaste,
Nicole